Chapter 18 - The Test
The video started with Grandma Ruth blowing out candles.
Then someone behind the camera said, "Carol, show everyone the baby picture Rachel sent you."
I went cold.
Mom was visible at the end of the table.
She had her phone in her hand.
For one terrible second, I thought she was going to hold it up.
"No," she said.
Melissa laughed. "Come on. We haven't seen Lily in forever."
Mom shook her head.
"Rachel sent it to me. She didn't say I could share it."
The table went quiet.
Someone said, "She's just a baby."
Mom replied, "And she's still entitled to parents who decide where her pictures go."
I watched the clip again.
Then a third time.
Evan leaned over my shoulder.
"Well."
"Yeah."
"That's new."
"Very."
Jenna called.
"I recorded it because I thought you'd want to know. Your mom had no clue I was filming."
That mattered.
Change performed for me was one thing. Change when I was not in the room was another.
In May, we had a second therapy session. In June, a third.
I still did not bring Lily.
Sometimes Mom cried.
Sometimes I got angry.
Once I told her I hated the sound of her saying, "I'm only being honest," because it made my shoulders tighten before I even knew what came next.
She wrote it down.
In July, she asked if there was any version of contact with Lily I might consider.
I said, "A short visit in a park. Evan and I both there. No feeding advice. No comments on her body. No taking her away from us. If I say the visit is over, it's over."
Mom nodded.
"Okay."
The park visit lasted forty minutes.
Mom crouched.
"Hi, Lily."
Lily stared at her.
Then offered her a crushed cracker.
I nearly cried.
The visit ended well.
Too well, maybe.
May you like
Because two days later, Mom sent a message that made my heart race.
Would you consider Christmas at our house this year?
