Chapter 3 - The Family Group Chat

My cousin Melissa's message said: Your mom is crying. Was it really necessary to humiliate her on Christmas?

I read it twice.

Then I started laughing.

Not because it was funny.

Because sometimes your nervous system has no idea what else to do.

Evan glanced at me from the driver's seat. "What happened?"

I handed him the phone at a red light.

Aunt Diane: I'm sure everyone is upset. Maybe give it a night.

Evan handed the phone back.

"She rewrote it already."

"She always does."

"Then don't argue in the group chat."

"Why not?"

"Because you're going to spend two hours proving what everyone at that table already heard with their own ears."

He was right.

I hated that he was right.

At home, I changed Lily into pajamas and fed her in the rocking chair by the Christmas tree. She wrapped one tiny hand around my finger and looked up at me as if the worst thing in the world was that her bottle had gone briefly empty.

I thought about the NICU.

I thought about sitting beside her incubator while she weighed four pounds and two ounces, whispering, "Grow, baby. Please grow."

My mother had visited twice.

Not scared.

Not brave.

Exhausted.

My phone buzzed again.

This time it was Mark.

Can I call you?

"Hey," I said.

My brother exhaled. "I need to tell you something before Mom gets ahead of it."

My stomach tightened.

"What?"

"After you left, she told everyone you've been keeping Lily from her for months."

"That's not true."

"I know."

"She saw her Thanksgiving weekend."

"I know."

"She came to the hospital after Lily was born."

"I know, Rachel. Listen."

His voice dropped.

"Jenna told Mom to stop talking about Lily's weight. Mom said she wouldn't have to talk about it if you were a more responsible mother."

I closed my eyes.

"And then?"

Silence.

"Mark."

"Then she said she has been worried about your parenting since the NICU."

My chest tightened.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. But she said, 'I've kept records.'"

I sat up straight.

"Records of what?"

"That's what I asked. She wouldn't answer."

Across the room, Lily slept beneath the soft glow of our Christmas tree.

I stared at her.

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